Disculpa las Molestias....

Before I begin, I want to stress that by no means is this a 'mine is better than yours' rant and that while I am complaining, it is meant to be a light jab at commuting in Buenos Aires, instead of a tirade.  Well....anyway, that's my intention. Let's see what happens.

First, friends, feast your eyes on a map of the BA subway (Subte) system:

I know most of us aren't the adept city planner I would be if I were a 16th century city planner/cartographer, but I don't even know where to start with this one.  Why don't any of the lines connect except all the way in Microcentro (ie Dante's Inferno/Satan's Lair)? Who planned this?! And can I go back in time and shake them? Is that orange zig zag on the left supposed to be a parallel universe? How does the other 75% of the land mass of the city get access to the subte?

OK. So. Now that we've got that out of the way. Imagine a city dweller who wakes up to go to work to find out it's going to be 75, sunny and  no humidity. Maybe s/he does a little Macarena or Tootsie Roll dance in celebration. Maybe s/he turns on some late 90s hip-hop, just sayin', you know, as an example of a potential display of joy on this winter day in the southern hemisphere.

WRONG! Expect to bring a change of clothes and your not-yet-invented-nor-likely-practical-if-invented portable shower since it's about 25 degrees hotter in the cars and on the platform. How do people do this when it's 100 degrees in Jan and Feb? Also, get it through your way-too-efficient-to-be-here-forever head that every hour is rush hour. Every. single. freaking. hour.  7am? Rush hour. 10:45pm? Rush hour. 11am? Rush hour. Lastly, there isn't the same respect for personal space on aforementioned Subte so expect about 4 people to be all up in your grill (grille?) in a spot technically/physically intended for 1 person.

Arrive at work in shock and awe and plan to share said story with your co-workers, 'knowing' they will be all, "That's crazy, girl- of course that never happens!" WRONG AGAIN! "Si the Subte has to carry x million passengers per day, of course it's like that." But...the NYC subway sys....nevermind.

Oh you thought you were done, readers. No no! I have yet to regale you with the ride home!


Five minutes pass.
Recording over Speaker on Platform: (in English): "One. Point. Five. Point. Thirty-Seven. Point. Eighty-Three Point-" <Speaker System Fails>

Five Minutes Pass.
Recording over Speaker on Platform: (in English): Thirty-Seven. Point. Eighty-Three. Point. Twenty-" <Speaker System Fails>

Five Minutes Pass.
Recording over Speaker on Platform: (in English): "Point. Twenty-Five. Disculpa-" <SPEAKER SYSTEM FAILS>

Five Minutes Pass.

Recording over Speaker on Platform: (in English): Point. Twenty-Five. (IN spanish) Disculpa La Molestia. No hay trenes a Tucuman en el Subte D porque-" <SPEAKER SYSTEM FAILS>  (Pardon the interruption. There aren't any trains on (green) Subway Line D to Tucuman because-"


Waste your fare, leave in search of a bus only to find everyone (54 people to be exact) have the same idea in line ahead of you for the bus, use another fare on the subte and take parallel (Again, PARALLEL- WHY!?) red line B, then walk 45 minutes home.  What should be a 15 minute trip door to door- walah!- has now mushroomed into 2 hours. Huepa!

Plans for the night? Hop on the...D...train...to... go back...downtown to the opera...Such is the life of an (faux) Argentine.